Monday, October 26, 2026
I need some inspiration to fast and get extra-thin again.
I think it will help my pain, but I'm not motivated ... also because of the pain. I feel like giving up, and I don't want to feel that way. I know what I know, but I don't feel what I know. I can't make myself do it --- a 72-hour long fast. I have no will to go longer than 24. My energy and drive come from believing I can thrive and feel good, but no matter how I move around, I'm hurting, I'm hurting myself worse. Tomorrow I have a lunch with Mildred. Wednesday night, we have dinner at church. Every week, I think I will fast Thursday and Friday but then I don't because in the moment, I want my walnuts and yogurt and I know I don't actually need to lose weight. But I need autophagy for my skin, so I have to do this. I'm eating so clean and well-controlled, but I still need cell rejuvenation. I can see it on my face. Every time the oldness starts coming for me, a fast gives me a rewind and reset; I cannot stop. Maybe if I write about it, I can make myself do this again, get back in the groove. Groovy Highway. Is that a thing? Some slang vernacular? Some movie? A comedic horror? An episode of Scooby Doo? Maybe it's my address. I'm going to invite someone over with that phrase and enjoy the laughter. Paper dolls. I don't know why. Imaginary playmates and conversation. My mother singing lullabies to me. That's who: I'm going to call my mother on the heaven line and invite her over to my house on Groovy Highway for some caramels. This seems a reasonable visit to hope for in November, as I finish reading the rest of my Bible. She will sit beside me --- her memory, at least ... and my zinnias, which it seems, praise Jesus, as a cluster, will never die. Some bunch or another has bloomed again and again, since when, June? I will consult my records. My records. I miss Stephanie. She had a turntable, remember. If anyone lives mentally on Groovy Highway, she does. 💜💚🩷 We both do. We all do. Jesus too, which reminds me of The Jesus Revolution. I am all over the place. He is too. So is our highway. It's like I-10, running through the miles of my life. The Miles of my life. I do like his paintings.
